Softly, Softly
by LadyKnowledge
Summary: What I imagine happened between when Amanda was rescued from Adi Birol - and the Nightcrawler tag.
1. Chapter 1

"Amanda?" Lee called as he staggered towards the cot.

"I don't feel so good." She answered, reaching out to him. Lee settled back onto the cot and pulled her close.

"Don't worry, don't worry. It's Zap Gas. And right now, you won't be able to move. Let's get comfortable. It only lasts a few minutes."

"Better last longer than that." She managed, making him smile. That was his Amanda, alright. Bruised, beaten, dehydrated, gassed and drugged but she still managed to make him smile.

As soon as the fumes began to dissipate, the Agency EMTs rolled a gurney into the room, Billy hot on their heels. Lee was able to stand up under his own steam but Amanda was taking longer to recover. The two paramedics easily lifted her onto the rolling bed and Lee took her hand.

"Billy, I'm going with her." Billy nodded and looked down at Amanda.

"How are you feeling, Amanda?"

"I'm fine, sir." Amanda managed unconvincingly. "I just want to go home."

"Not until the Agency doctors say you can." Lee told her.

"Lee,"

"Don't argue with me, Amanda." Billy bit back a grin. It wasn't often that Lee got autocratic; in fact he'd always been more of a live-and-let-live kind of guy. The only person he ever tried bossing around was Amanda, but he had never tried except in the field. To Billy's knowledge, he'd never succeeded even then. The fact Amanda was letting him get away with it was a testament to how she was feeling.

"Go on." Billy urged. "Just make sure that the docs give you a once over too, Scarecrow. I'll book Birol and you can debrief us later."

"Thanks Billy."

"Scarecrow." Doc McJohn called, stepping out of the room where he'd been examining Amanda.

"How is she, doc?"

"Not great, but that's to be expected. She took one hell of a beating. She's obviously dehydrated and sleep deprived. She'll need help, and time, to process everything that's happened to her. She's… combative which I don't think is like her."

"No, it isn't." Lee agreed, running a hand through his hair.

"Well, she can't go home in her condition." Billy said.

"I'll take her to my place." Lee announced. It was not a suggestion.

"I'm prescribing ten days of complete R-and-R. But I want her to see Pfaff or Quidd every day. I'll get the appointments sorted and call you later. I think she's going to need some help dealing with what happened to her."

"I'll make sure she's here for any appointments." Lee promised.

"Good. One more thing, she'll need some clothes. We bagged hers for evidence." Lee felt his blood run cold at the implications but forced himself to focus on what Amanda needed.

"Was she…" He couldn't say the word. Doc McJohn didn't need him to.

"No. There was some sexual assault, but it didn't go as far as rape. There are burns and blood stains though." Lee took a deep breath.

"I've got some sweats in the car. I'll go get them and be right back."

Racing to his car, Lee riffled through the gym bag and found a pair of clean sweatpants, a t-shirt, and a Georgetown hoodie. As he slammed down the trunk hood, his knees buckled and he dropped onto the cement floor. For a moment, he sat there, desperately trying not to throw up. Now that he knew Amanda was safe, it was like his entire nervous system was turning on him, taunting him with every fear he hadn't been willing to consider while Birol had her. Gasping for air, he used every bit of training he had to bring himself under control. He was going to walk down to the infirmary and collect Amanda. Then he was going to take her back to his place and hold on to her until he stopped feeling like this. He suspected that might take a month.

Using the car bumper for support, Lee got up and made his way back down to the infirmary. He wasn't surprised to find Billy and Francine there checking on Amanda. "Lee, how are you doing?"

"I'm fine." Smiling at Francine, he gave her a quick hug. "Thanks for seeing this through, Francine. I owe you."

"Consider it a down-payment on what I owe you." She told him, eyeing Billy.

"Uh, Billy. Listen, I'm sorry about –"

"Save it, Scarecrow. It all worked out in the end and that's the most important thing." Giving Lee one of his trademark Displeased Manager faces, he continued. "Doc McJohn tells me that Amanda will need care for the next ten days though. So to remind you who is in charge around here, I'm making taking care of Amanda your assignment. Maybe a week of playing nursemaid will help you keep me in the loop in the future." Lee bit back a smile of gratitude and nodded.

"Yes sir." Satisfied, Billy led Francine away and Lee stepped into Amanda's room.

"Hey." He greeted softly. Attired in the hospital-style gown, the bruises on her arms, legs, and shoulders were glaringly obvious. She even had a bruise on her jaw that he hadn't noticed before. He could see a few dressings that he supposed were covering wounds.

"Hey." Amanda answered, looking down at her hands. Lee felt as if his heart was being crushed. She was his best friend, soon to be his wife, and they were already having to deal with something major. Taking a deep breath, Lee decided that he was going to rise to the challenge.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, he reached out and lifted her chin so she was looking at him. "Doc McJohn told me about… your injuries." She nodded.

"I told him he could." She admitted before looking away. "If… Lee, if you want to change your mind –"

"Amanda King, you listen to me and you listen to me good." Lee told her firmly. "There's nothing in this world that could possibly change my mind about marrying you. And I'm not going to let you change your mind about it either. There's no way I'm letting the likes of Adi Birol ruin our future together. I love you and we're going to get through this together." She gave him a wobbly smile. "Now, I think that maybe I'll be in charge for now, eh? All you need to do is do what you're told."

"For a change?" Amanda quipped. Lee gave her his best Stetson smile for her efforts.

"A refreshing change." He agreed. "Now, do you need help getting dressed?" He offered, handing her the clothes.

"No, I think I'm okay, if you'll just untie this." Lee reached over and tugged the strings at the neck and waist of the hospital gown before kissing her and getting up.

"Alright, I'll wait outside."


	2. Chapter 2

Lee watched Amanda closely as they made their way into his apartment. She was uncharacteristically quiet, barely answering his questions with single word answers. There'd been no rambling and when he'd suggested calling her mother, she'd point-blank refused. She had only nodded when he'd told her she'd be convalescing at his place.

He was still feeling occasional twinges, as if his nervous system hadn't quite got the message that the danger had passed. With everything Amanda had been through, he supposed that her nervous system was probably still trying to electrocute her too.

Walking into the living room, she just stood as if she couldn't quite figure out what she should be doing. She looked like a little girl, standing there with in his oversized gym clothes, playing with a strand of her hair. "Come on." Taking her hand, he led her to the bedroom.

"What are you doing?" She asked as he tugged her forward.

"Putting you to bed." Lee answered calmly. "Once you're settled you can call your mother while I get your medicine sorted." This time she didn't protest calling her mother.

"Lee! I'm fine. I don't know why you want to treat me like I'm not fine because I am fine! And –"

"Amanda!" Lee interrupted. He'd only seen her like this once before, and even then it hadn't been so bad. By luck, he'd found just the right gambit that time. He used it ruthlessly. "Please, for my peace of mind, would you just take your meds?"

"I don't want to." She told him, sounding more like a whiney child than he'd ever heard.

"Amanda, please? I need you to let me take care of you, okay? After being so helpless these last few days, I need to feel like I'm doing something. The only things I can do is make sure you follow the doctor's orders and be here for you." Just as he expected, Amanda immediately relented.

"Can I just take a shower first?"

"Yeah, ok. I'll be out in the living room. Holler if you need me." Going to the dresser, Lee pulled out a clean t-shirt for her to change into. Dropping a kiss on her forehead, he forced himself to let her do this alone.

Twenty minutes later, the shower was still running and Lee was getting suspicious. Tapping at the door, he called out. "Amanda?" When she didn't answer, he opened the door and a cloud of steam rolled out. He found her curled up on the floor of the shower, crying. Turning off the water, he wrapped her in a big towel and lifted her into his arms.

"I don't know why I'm crying." She whispered, a sob catching in her throat.

"Shock." Lee explained. Standing her up, he quickly dried her. It saddened him to know that the first time he was really seeing Amanda naked was out of medical necessity. Though she was still the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen, the marks that Birol had left on her were obscene.

"Arms up." Lee ordered, pulling the t-shirt over her head. "Come on now, get into bed." Tucking her in, he pushed the hair back from her forehead as she had done to him when he'd been recovering after he'd had that head injury that one time. He suddenly understood why Amanda had been so adamant in caring for him. She'd loved him already. Well, he knew he loved her now and he wasn't going to be any more complacent than she had been. "Doc McJohn gave me some pills for you to take. I'll go get one. Back in a sec."

"Don't go."

"I'll just be a minute." Hurrying, Lee collected a glass of water and two of the pills from the kitchen. Unlike him, Amanda dutifully swallowed the medication and obediently drank all the water. Laying down beside her, Lee hugged her close. "I love you." He whispered.

"I love you too." Within ten minutes, the sedative took effect and Amanda relaxed against him. Lee couldn't believe how perfect it felt to be holding her like this. She was his. She was going to be his wife. And for the first time since he'd known her, he could just take care of her the way she always took care of him.


	3. Chapter 3

Once he was sure Amanda was deeply sleeping, Lee slid out of the bed and went for a shower. Seeing the sweatpants Amanda had dropped on the floor, he grinned and picked them up. It was so unlike her to be untidy. But, just as she'd seemed to derive some comfort from being bundled up in his clothes, there was something primal in him that liked the idea that the fabric against his skin had been against hers just a few hours ago.

Bare-chested, he went to the living room and turned on an old western, setting it to mute so that it wouldn't disturb Amanda. Looking at the grocery-sized bag of medication and supplies that McJohn had prescribed, Lee supposed he should have changed Amanda's dressings after she got them wet. Hearing a soft tap at the front door, Lee hurried to answer in case Amanda woke up. Francine held out a bag of groceries and two shopping bags. "I thought… well, Amanda will need some clothes and it isn't like she can go home to pick them up."

"Thanks, Francine. For everything." Francine nodded. For all that the Agency was populated by some pretty tough people, it was hard on everyone when one of their own got hurt. Amanda was someone that they all felt the need to protect and the fact was, everyone felt a little bit responsible for what had happened. They also felt the need to pull together.

"Call if you need anything, Lee."

"I will." Closing the door on Francine's departing back, Lee took the supplies over to the dining room table. He'd left Amanda's prescription there, along with the one McJohn had insisted on prescribing for Lee. Lee had no intention of taking anything beyond a single glass of scotch to take the edge off his nerves. There was no way he wanted to be out cold when Amanda might need him. Taking his drink back, he'd only just settled on the sofa when Amanda appeared.

"Lee?" She adorably dishevelled in his t-shirt. Opening his arms he was pleased when she came close with no hesitation. Whatever Birol had done to her, she wasn't shutting him out. Lee knew exactly how much courage it took for someone who had been hurt so badly to be so trusting. Lee's eyes widened as he realised that she was wearing nothing other than the t-shirt.

"Francine brought you some clothes." Lee told her.

"Oh. That's nice." Amanda snuggled closer. "I woke up and you weren't there." Lee was surprised at how pleased he was that she hadn't liked waking up without him.

"I couldn't sleep." Lee admitted. "Are you hungry?"

"No." Lee tugged an afghan over them and cuddled her close, kissing her forehead. "Have I told you how amazing you are?" He whispered.

"I don't think so." Lee grinned at that. She might be struggling, but there was a glimmer of his Amanda shining through already. Tightening his hold on her a bit, Lee kissed her forehead and looked for something to cheer her up. He chuckled as a memory flashed into his mind's eye. "What's so funny?"

"I was just remembering you, last year. When you clobbered King Eddie." Laughing outright, he reminded her. "You thought he was going after that kid and before I could stop you, you were beating him off with your purse. There aren't many royals in the world who have been mauled by a suburban mother with a lethal purse!" Amanda forced a smile. She knew what he was doing, he was trying to remind her how tough she could be. Only she hadn't been tough. She'd been scared and helpless.

"Is that when you figured out you loved me?" She asked.

"Uh-huh. If we're playing truth or dare, you have to tell me when you first figured out how you felt about me." Lee answered.

"That's easy. I knew the day I went to your funeral."

"Oh come on. You can't have known that long!" Lee scoffed. They'd only known each other a few months then.

"I didn't know I was in love with you – but I did know that I felt something and it wasn't just losing a co-worker, or even a friend. It was more than that." Lee kissed her hair again, remembering how upset she'd been. He hadn't ever looked too closely at why that memory was the one he revisited whenever he was in a particularly tight spot. He had to come back to Amanda, no matter what. "I was so mad at you for letting me think you were dead for those few days."

"Yeah, I remember. I had a bruise on my back for a week from the pounding you gave me." Lee smiled down at her. "I've never had anyone care that much about me." Amanda smiled shyly back. He was doing it again.

"Your turn. When did your feelings for me start to change?"

"I guess when I realised that I was prepared to commit treason to save you."

"My big fella." Amanda whispered. "But that was even before your funeral."

"Like you, I didn't know I was in love with you yet, but I knew that what I felt for you was different." Lee nudged her to her feet.

"That's enough talking for now. You need your rest."

"Sleep with me." Amanda urged.

"Just sleep." Lee told her firmly. She hesitated for a moment but then nodded. Standing up, the t-shirt slipped slightly, giving him a flash of bare hip. Hoping he wasn't quite such a degenerate that he'd be turned on by a battered and traumatised woman, he followed her to the bedroom. The sad truth was that the battered and traumatised bit was much less important to the Neanderthal part of his brain than the fact it was his Amanda. "Other side." He told her when she would have slipped back into bed on the left side. When she looked at him questioningly, he shrugged. "I'll sleep better if I'm between you and the door." He explained.

"Really?"

"Yeah, really." Trying to cover for his ridiculous request, he winked at her. "That way you can't escape without me noticing."

"Ok." Rather than walking around the bed, Amanda just crawled across, giving him an even better look at her bare bottom. Biting back a groan, Lee turned out the bedroom light and climbed into bed after her. In an instant, she'd scooted back so that he was spooning her. "It's a bit cold, isn't it?" Lee was melting but he doubted that either of them was reacting to the actual temperature in the room. Pulling the covers more tightly around her, he dropped a kiss on her shoulder and held her close, finally falling asleep when she did.


	4. Chapter 4

Lee woke up alone in bed, knowing something was very wrong. Sitting up, he tried to get his bearings. He was in his own bed but there was something that just wasn't right. Straining to hear what had woken him, he heard it; a tiny sound, like a cross between a hiccup and a sob. Looking around, he couldn't see where it was coming from. Amanda was gone and so was her pillow. Getting up, he checked the bathroom first. "Amanda?" No answer. Standing still, he listened again. This time, he knew where the sound was coming from. Walking over to the closet, he opened it slowly so he wouldn't startle her. There was no need. She was curled around her pillow, trying to keep her crying to herself. She hadn't heard him or noticed him, her face buried while her shoulders shook. Lee felt his eyes prickle at seeing her like this. His brave, sweet Amanda was sobbing her heart out on a pile of old clothes. "Amanda?" He whispered, reaching out to touch her shoulder. She let out a scream that was also muffled by the pillow. It took a full minute before her eyes focused and cleared so that he knew she recognised him.

"I'm s-s-sorry." She whispered. "I know this isn't very professional." Lee would have laughed at that if he wasn't so saddened by her state.

"There's no such thing as a _professional_ reaction to torture." Lee told her. Lifting her up, he carried her to bed. "I'll be right back." McJohn had known what he was about. He'd dispensed two different sets of medication; the pills and a much more powerful injectable sedative. Gathering the supplies, Lee returned to the bedroom. "Amanda, will you let me give you a shot of something to help you relax?" Eager to escape her feelings, Amanda nodded and watched as he prepared the injection. He remembered the last time she'd watched him do this, when he'd stolen the promazapam from the dispensary. Then it had been all him. He'd stolen the drug, he'd measured it out, he'd even injected it himself. She'd watched and bit her lip, anxious about what he was doing. Now she just looked at him with complete trust, certain that he knew what he was doing.

It wasn't until he'd prepared the syringe that he realised Amanda's predicament. With a dressed burn on one arm and a huge bruise on her other, there was nowhere to inject it that wouldn't hurt her more than he could stand. Looking down at her, he was surprised to see her lips twitch even as she lifted the hem of the t-shirt to expose her hip to him. "Well, isn't this a romantic first night in bed together?" Chuckling, Lee gratefully accepted her silent offer, cleaning a patch of skin and quickly administering the drug. Leaning down, he kissed her forehead.

"Go to sleep." He ordered gruffly, dropping the syringe in the waste basket. "I love you."

"I love you too." Taking his hand in both of hers, she rubbed her cheek against the back of his hand and made an obvious effort to relax. In a few minutes, the effort was trumped by the sedative and she finally fell asleep. Exhausted but edgy, Lee returned to his side of the bed. Amanda's first appointment with Dr. Pfaff couldn't come soon enough.


	5. Chapter 5

"I'm not going!" Amanda told him. "I'll be fine once I have a little more sleep. That's all I need."

"No, it's not all you need and you _are_ going." Lee countered. They'd been arguing for twenty minutes, ever since the infirmary had called with her appointment time. Lee had never seen Amanda so argumentative but he knew exactly what mental space she was in. He'd been there himself.

She was trying to protect her mental injuries as fiercely as she protected her physical ones. It was easy to walk a bit slower, sit more carefully, or put a dressing on a cut or a burn. Talking about what she'd endured would be a bit like stabbing a burn with a fork. Lee knew what happened to people when they didn't get help dealing with the emotions that came after release. He wasn't going to let Amanda run away from the very thing she so obviously needed.

"Lee! Please! I just want to forget about it." Lee actually felt a pain in his chest as he watched her cry and beg him to let her skip it. It was a real shame he didn't have a genie waiting in a bottle to grant him three wishes just now.

"I'm sorry, Amanda. But you're going. And you'll go again tomorrow and the next day and the next. And I'm hoping that you can do it without putting us both through hell, but if you can't, then I'll just walk through hell with you." Lee held his ground and after a few moments, she seemed to accept that he was not going to give an inch on this. Amanda wiped her tears away with the sleeve of his hoodie. She was wearing the jeans and t-shirt that Francine had brought, but then she'd added his top. She looked like a sulky little girl and Lee pulled her into a gentle hug. "Listen, I know it's hard. I know it's the last thing in the world you want to do. But you need to trust me right now. The Agency docs know how to help an agent deal with this kind of thing better than anyone else. There's a reason that it's mandatory. You can't get through this on your own and still be functional."

"Will you be there?" Amanda whispered.

"If you want me to be. Amanda, no one can deal with torture on their own."

"I wasn't tortured!"

"We can debate word choice later." Lee lied. There was no other word for what Birol had put her through. "Right now, we need to get to the Agency. Come on."

* * *

Claudia Joyce and Quidd were front and centre when Lee and Amanda walked into the Agency infirmary's psychology department. "Scarecrow, you're with me." Dr. Quidd announced.

"No!" Amanda clutched Lee's arm with both hands, shaking her head and trying to hide behind him. Unsure of what was the best course of action, Lee just stood calmly, letting the doctors do their job while giving Amanda the reassurance she needed.

"Amanda, we're just going to talk." Claudia encouraged.

"Not without Lee." Amanda insisted. In a small part of her brain, she knew she sounded a bit unhinged but the rest of her brain refused to let Lee out of her sight. She also thought that her demand was probably giving away something about her relationship with Lee. At the moment, she didn't care. The bigger part of her brain forced her to move closer to him. Lee could feel Amanda shaking against him. No one was going to get anything out of her if she got any more upset.

"Maybe, we could all just sit down together for a minute?" Lee suggested. The doctors might be experts in psychology, but he was the Amanda King expert around here. Both doctors nodded at Lee's suggestion. Sitting down around a small coffee table, Lee chose his words carefully. He'd only ever seen Amanda like this once before; at the hospital back when Retzig had poisoned her. He'd been her touchstone to reality and he thought that was maybe how she felt now. "Amanda, you know Dr. Joyce. Why won't you go with him?" Lee asked her.

"I'm staying with you."

"That's not an answer to the question I asked." Lee chided. "Why won't you go with Claudia? You know her. You'd be safe, I promise." Lee tried again.

"I… I just need to stay with you. What if the hallucinations come back? I wouldn't know if it was you or just my imagination."

"Amanda, what if Lee stays in the same room, but he and Quidd go over there to talk?" Claudia offered, pointing to the other side of the reception room. Lee would be no more than twelve feet away.

"If you need to, you can get up at any time and come over to him to check that he's real." Quidd offered. Lee was impressed at how both psychologists made the conversation sound completely sane. Amanda hesitated.

"Please Amanda?" Lee asked. Amanda hated the idea. She knew that it would be much harder to get closer to Lee inconspicuously but she couldn't find a reasonable reason not to do it. She didn't want to anger Lee by being unreasonable.

"Okay."

Lee patted her hand on his arm. "You'll need to let go." It took a minute, but she finally released him. He and Quidd immediately walked over to the other chairs, Quidd taking a moment to lock the outer office door so they wouldn't be disturbed. Noticing Amanda's gaze fixed on him, Lee forced himself to take a seat where she wouldn't be able to catch his eye instead of focusing on Claudia.

"How's it going, Scarecrow?" Quidd asked, noting the deliberate seat choice. He approved. Lee ran a hand through his hair, a subtle but clear indication of his tension.

"I'm worried about her." He said quietly, not wanting Amanda to hear him. "Doc McJohn gave her diazepam tablets and injectable BZ. It took both to get her to sleep through the night. I woke up in the middle of the night and found her crying and hiding in the closet. She's hardly talking. Amanda usually rambles at the drop of the hat, but I haven't heard one single ramble since I got to her."

"That's to be expected. You know how torture works. Birol probably tried to break every emotional connection she has with the outside world. Obviously, he didn't fully succeed. We won't know about her other links, but she's clearly able to connect with you. You'll need to tread very carefully though. Joyce and I can only help her so much. I think you'll be more instrumental to her recovery. She looks to you for approval and reassurance and you'll need to balance encouraging her to take more and more control for herself and her recovery against letting her take charge too soon. Specifically, you need to control how much medication she's taking."

"Yeah." Lee's eyes flickered to a framed picture on the wall. At this angle, he could see Amanda's reflection as she sat with Joyce. She was sitting rigidly, her hands clenched on the armrests. Joyce seemed to be doing most of the talking. Amanda's gaze flickered to him a few times and it was all he could do not to get up and go to her. "Is she going to be okay, doc?"

"Hard to tell this soon. It's barely been twelve hours, Lee."

"I know." Lee admitted. "I'm just worried about her. I've never seen her like this, she's argumentative and uncooperative about almost everything. The only thing she didn't argue about was the BZ shot."

"Makes sense; it gave her an escape from the feelings and thoughts that are upsetting her. And refusing anything is her way of reasserting control. In some ways, it's not that different from a little kid who says no just because he can." Quidd smiled at Lee. "Now listen, I know you're worried about her but right now, I need you to be just a little bit selfish and tell me how you're dealing with all this? I know that you blamed yourself for her capture, and now, knowing she's been tortured… it's a lot of guilt to carry around." Lee nodded. He knew that he needed to deal with his own emotional stuff before he could really help Amanda with hers. That was something he'd learnt from her.

"Yeah. Amanda's not like the other people here. She knows the risks, but she's not a hardened agent."

"She may well be after this. Lee, you need to accept that an experience like that will change her. Not necessarily in a bad way. If she manages to deal with this, then she'll be tougher than she was before. How are you going to deal with that?" Quidd asked, once more redirecting the conversation towards Lee.

* * *

Across the room, Claudia was finding it equally difficult getting Amanda to open up about what she'd been through. "How do you feel today, Amanda?"

"I'm fine. I'm sorry to be wasting your time. I am fine. Really."

"You aren't wasting my time. You're here to talk to me about what happened so I can help you deal with it. As long as that's what we're doing, it's time well spent. Can you tell me what happened?"

"Birol captured me. Lee rescued me though." She gave a forced laugh. "You know, I didn't think he was real when he first showed up? I kept imagining him there. But he was real and he got me out of there."

"You and Lee are a pretty good team." Joyce agreed. "But why don't you tell me about the time before Lee found you."

"It's a bit fuzzy."

"Let's start from when Birol captured you…"


	6. Chapter 6

After forty minutes, Claudia caught her colleague's eye and nodded. "Looks like Amanda's had enough for one day." Dr. Quidd told Lee. Finally allowing himself to look over, Lee wasn't reassured by what he saw. Amanda looked like she'd rather be with Birol than here. When Claudia closed her folder, Amanda launched herself out of the chair and over to Lee.

Quidd went over to confer with Claudia for a moment, giving Lee a moment to comfort Amanda. As the doctors returned to them, Amanda crowded against Lee. "You both did well today, I know it was difficult. Tomorrow we'd like to try something different though. We'd like to do a joint session. You're both more worried about each other than yourselves. So maybe we can get past that tomorrow. Also, we'll make no mention at all about your relationship beyond your professional one in our files."

"Thanks doc."

"Both of you need to get some serious sleep." Claudia told them. "I understand McJohn gave you both prescriptions for sedatives?" Lee nodded. "Use them. That includes you, Scarecrow." When Lee opened his mouth to object, Quidd played his trump card.

"Amanda, Lee didn't get any sleep at all while Birol had you. Can you please make sure he takes a tablet no later than 9 p.m.?"

"I'll make sure." Lee bit back a rueful grin. Quidd was smart. He'd just found a way that Amanda could feel in control without giving her control over her own use of medication.

"Amanda, tonight and tomorrow, I want you to use the BZ." Claudia told her. "I don't think the diazepam will do the trick yet, and I would rather you didn't take both."

"She'll use it." Lee promised. A few moments later, Lee was sweeping Amanda to his car. He could see that she needed her painkillers but she didn't complain as she settled into the passenger seat. "Amanda, we need a few things for dinner. Do you want me to drop you off at the apartment or do you want to come with me to the grocery store?" Lee asked her. He hoped she'd want to go home but he thought it might just be too soon.

"I'll come with you." She said quietly, without looking over. After a moment, Lee saw her straighten. "Lee, we've got a tail."

"What?" Lee checked the rearview mirror but didn't see any suspicious vehicles. Changing lanes a few times, he could see that Amanda was still tense even though he hadn't yet made the tail. "I don't see it, Amanda." He told her gently.

"Right there. The brown sedan." Lee looked back. There was, indeed, a brown sedan behind them but it wasn't the same one as the one that had been a few cars back a few minutes ago.

"Alright, hold on." If Amanda thought they were being followed, it would do no harm to use a few familiar evasive manoeuvres. Ten minutes later, she finally relaxed against her chair back. The adrenaline had dissipated leaving her feeling her aches and pain. As the grocery store was on their way back from here, Lee pulled into the parking lot. Amanda seemed to be dozing so Lee quietly slipped out of the car and headed inside. He only needed some milk, bread, and a few ingredients for his famous frittata so it wasn't worth waking Amanda up just so she would feel obligated to walk along.

Ten minutes later, with a gallon of milk in one hand and a bag of groceries in the other, Lee came out to find Amanda, and his car, gone.


	7. Chapter 7

Lee ran his hand through his hair in frustration as he waited for Francine. When he saw her little red sports car pull up, he was frantic. "What happened?" She asked as he folded himself into the passenger seat. The condensation on the milk immediate dripped on to his pant leg and the warmth of the day wasn't going to do the raw chicken any good.

"I don't know! I left Amanda in the car while I went to get groceries and when I came back out, the car was gone and so was Amanda!"

"That's crazy!"

"I think she's having some kind of flash back or something. She made me drive around to lose a tail but I never saw it. So maybe she isn't thinking clearly or she is thinking more clearly than I am!" Francine shook her head and pulled out.

"What do you want to do?"

"First, let's go back to my place. If she did have a flashback, maybe it didn't last and she's gone back there."

"Do you think she would?" Francine asked.

"Honestly? I have no idea what Amanda would do right now. I certainly didn't expect her to hotwire my car and take off." Lee said. He should never have left her alone, not even for a minute.

"We should tell Billy."

"Not yet. If Smyth hears of this, she may never get back out in the field."

"Billy's not Smyth."

"No, he's not." Lee agreed.

"Is she armed?" Lee froze. He knew he didn't have his revolver and Amanda didn't have hers, but he didn't know if she'd taken his weapon. He'd locked it up in the safe as he always did but Amanda had long known the combination.

"Maybe."

"So, she's recovering from being tortured, she may be armed, she may be delusional… is there anything I'm missing?"

"That about covers it." Lee said grimly. "Look, my car's pretty easy to spot, so why don't we drive around a bit, maybe we'll spot her." Francine shrugged and turned towards Amanda's neighbourhood.

* * *

Two hours later, they had seen no sign of Amanda or Lee's car. They'd gone by Amanda's house and Lee's apartment multiple times with no luck.

"Let's go back to the Agency. Amanda's car is there. We can split up and look for her."

"Okay." Francine made the drive quickly and pulled into a spot right next to Amanda's Wagoneer. "Lee, we need a plan. Where would she be likely to go?"

"How should I know? Her place, she might eventually go back to my place; I kind of hoped she'd come back here. But she wouldn't go to any of those places if she thought she'd be leading danger along with her. I just don't know where she is." As they made their way into the Agency, they considered the options.

As they walked into the bullpen, Billy was waiting for them. "Lost something?" He asked. Lee and Francine looked at each other in surprise. "Save it." He told them when they glanced at each other and prepared to try to cover for Amanda's absence. "Amanda's in my office." Both agents gaped at their supervisor. "You would both know that if you ever bothered to check your messages."

"How did she get here?"

"She called me. Said that she'd seen a tail and managed to lose it but when she went back to get you, you were gone and you weren't at your apartment. She was at least able to realise that she was in no condition to drive any further but she also couldn't get anywhere she felt safe on her own. I went to pick her up about an hour and a half ago." Lee and Francine breathed a sigh of relief. "What is it with you two? Since when do you just decide to keep me out of the loop?"

"Sorry Billy." Lee said. "It's all my fault. All this stuff with Amanda is just driving me a bit crazy." Billy took a deep breath.

"I know. Look, both of you, I'm not the enemy here. We all have a pretty good idea what Amanda's been through. We've all had one hell of a week. But we still look out for our own, and Amanda's one of us. So anything happens like this, I want to know about it."

"Yes sir."

"Lee, when we couldn't find you, she started to get worked up. She wouldn't take anything for the pain." Lee checked his watch and swore. Amanda would be feeling every ache and pain by now.

"I'll take her home now."

"Good idea."

* * *

In Billy's office, Lee found Amanda sitting stiffly on the far couch. "Hi."

"I'm so sorry!" Amanda blurted. Lee approached her slowly.

"Why?"

"I just took off! I'm supposed to be watching your back and I just left you there." Sitting down beside her as if he had all the time in the world, Lee considered what he was going to say carefully. He needed to understand what was going on in her mind or he would keep making mistakes while trying to help her.

"Hold on, why don't you tell me exactly what you were thinking when you decided to leave the parking lot?"

"I thought we were being followed. I know you said we weren't, and I trust you but I just thought you hadn't seen them. I was sitting there and I started to think that you weren't armed and if they were after me I could lead them away and you weren't that far from the apartment. But then when I lost them I went back for you and you weren't at the grocery store and I went to the apartment but you weren't there either and I didn't have my lock-pick or the key so I couldn't get in. And I didn't really know where I was going and then I got lost so I just stopped driving and called Mr. Melrose. I wasn't sure I could drive anymore. Mr. Melrose came and picked me up." Lee felt the tension in his belly ease. Whatever the circumstances, that was definitely an Amanda ramble. She'd scared him, but here was a sign that at least on some level, she was starting to feel better. Taking her hands, he brought them up to kiss her knuckles.

"Amanda, what you're feeling? It's called hypervigilance. I know it feels like there's danger lurking everywhere but there isn't. It's a bit like aftershocks, your brain takes a while to let go of the fear that you've been living with for the last few days. Quidd and Claudia will help with that, and I will too. But the only way we can do that is if you talk to us about what Birol did to you." Amanda looked away.

"I… I want to." She whispered. "But I hallucinated some of it and some of it was real and I can't get it straight in my mind."

"I know. But you know what? It doesn't really matter what parts were real and what parts were just in your mind. It's all real to your brain and you'll need to deal with it in pretty much the same way. So let's go home, we can order some Chinese and we'll talk, okay?" Amanda nodded.

"I'm sorry for being so much trouble, Lee. I know this isn't what you signed up for."

"It's exactly what I signed up for. I get to help and care for the smartest, bravest, most wonderful woman I ever met. And you know what, the fact that we're partners, the fact that we both know the good and the bad stuff that comes with this job? It'll help us be better at this marriage thing." Amanda nodded and hesitantly leaned forward for a gentle kiss. "Now, come on. You need some painkillers and I think we both just need to be home."

"Yeah."


	8. Chapter 8

Lee pulled the Wagoneer up in front of his apartment, feeling like it had been a million years since they'd left for the psych appointments that afternoon. It had taken them almost fifteen minutes to get from Billy's office to the car.

Hurrying around the car, he reached for Amanda's hand and realised she'd been quietly sitting beside him with tears rolling down her cheeks. "Aww… Amanda! Come here." Wrapping her in a gentle hug, he kissed the top of her head and waited for her to pull herself together.

"Lee?"

"Yeah?"

"Am I going crazy?"

"No."

"I just feel so different. Like nothing will ever be the same and I don't know what I should be doing or how. I even abandoned my partner today!"

"First off, leaving me at the grocery store hardly constitutes dereliction of duty. You were just a bit confused. It's okay." Lee told her. "Second, Amanda, you've had maybe twelve hours of sleep in the last week! Your brain is desperately trying to make sense of stuff that should never have happened at all. I think that tomorrow, I'll get Claudia and Dr. Quidd to come here instead. I think you need a bit of time in a place that's familiar and where you feel safe. I also think you need to call your mother. I really think that just hearing her voice will really help you start feeling a bit better, more connected to what's real."

"What should I tell her? I can't go home feeling like this, Lee! I could snap at any time."

"Look, when I went over, I told her that you'd be at least another day. That was two days ago. So tonight, you call and you tell her that someone on a film project was hurt in a work accident and you'll need to stay on for a few more days, ten at most. You'll get a hardship bonus from the Agency so you can work that into your cover. Just say that it's an opportunity to do some serious overtime and make some extra money and that you'll call her in a few days."

"Okay." Satisfied that the most immediate problem was solved, Lee guided Amanda into the building.

A few minutes later, Lee had collected Amanda's painkillers from the kitchen. He'd sent her to the bedroom to change but when he joined her she was sitting on the edge of the bed, struggling with the hem of the hoodie. "Here." Giving her the tablets and a small glass of water, he watched her down them. Once she'd put the glass down, he reached for the hem of the hoodie. "Arms up." Tugging the t-shirt underneath up at the same time, Lee was surprised to find that she wasn't wearing a bra. Blushing, she hastily explained.

"I couldn't get the clasp done."

"It's okay." Pulling the t-shirt she'd used as a nightgown the night before over her head, he helped her stand up even as he kneeled in front her. Unbuttoning the jeans, he slid them down to her ankles, letting her steady herself against his shoulders as she lifted first one foot then the other free of her jeans. Looking up, Lee realised she hadn't been wearing _any_ underwear. Grinning wolfishly at her, he stood up and pulled her naked form against his, his hands settling comfortably on her bottom. "I love you." He told her softly, dropping a quick kiss on her lips as he felt her arms slide around his waist.

"Lee?" Amanda's whisper was so hesitant that he was immediately alert.

"Yeah?"

"Would you… could we…" Amanda's hesitation made him smile. It was not like his partner to struggle with words. Pulling back slightly, he searched her face.

"What is it? Anything you want, it's yours." He promised. It was a vow he regretted a moment later when her request flew straight in the face of his promise to himself to give her time to heal completely.

"Would you mind if we made love tonight?"

"Why?" As responses to propositions went, that was far from his smoothest answer and he saw Amanda immediately retreat. "Amanda, it's not that I don't want to." He assured her. Sitting down, he pulled her into his lap. "I love you and you are the sexiest woman in the world as far as I'm concerned. But you're exhausted and in pain. I don't want to hurt you."

"You could be gentle." She suggested. "I just… I'm tired of feeling like a mental patient or a porcelain doll. Everyone's working so hard to keep me from having any strong emotions to anything. I love you, Lee Stetson. I've wanted to make love to you for a very long time and I need to feel like a whole person again. I want to be someone who is able to give and receive love and passion. I don't want my life, or even these few days when I'm recovering from what Birol did to me, to be about him. I want us to start adding to our own memories of each other again."

"Sounds like a plan." Lee agreed, kissing her lips gently. "_But_ you aren't going to distract me from taking care of you, as much as I'd love to ravish every inch of this body." His hand drifted up along her bare thigh until his fingers could lace with those of the other hand that rested on her hip. "So, if you rest for an hour to give the pain killers time to take effect, _and_ if you can stay awake long enough to eat a bit of solid food then I'm happy to give it a go. But I'm telling you now, whether or not we do this, you're still getting that shot of BZ."

"And you're still taking your pill at nine o'clock." Amanda retorted. She was smiling though and Lee thought she was looking more energised at the prospect of making love than she had been at anything else. He doubted that she'd even last to dinner but if she needed him to give her this, he was only too happy to be skin-to-skin with his Amanda.

"Come on, get in the bed. You can call your mother while I start supper." Lee nudged Amanda up and pulled the covers back so she could get in.

"More broth?" Amanda asked, wrinkling her nose as Lee tucked her in.

"Nope. I thought tonight you might want to try a bit of solid food for a change. A bit of grilled chicken and pesto penne?"

"Sounds perfect."


	9. Chapter 9

While Amanda waited in bed for her pain to subside, she finally had a few moments of privacy to contemplate the events of the last ten days. It had been a real rollercoaster. She remembered how excited she'd been when Lee had finally, finally relented and let her really be part of an operation. Standing outside the airport, she'd entertained some not-so-professional thoughts as she'd watched him come out in his pressed pilot's uniform. She'd need to remember to ask him to wear that again sometime when they _weren't_ working. Feeling her lips twitch at that thought, she continued trying to piece together the events that followed.

She'd yelled his name when she'd seen the danger of Birol's van racing towards him. Lee had fought for her to be part of the follow-up, even if the operation hadn't gone according to plan. He probably regretted including her in that one, especially since they now knew that Birol had set it up specifically to capture her. Amanda didn't. She suspected she'd still have nightmares for a while, but she was already starting to bounce back. Her lapse today at the grocery store was probably nothing more than a bit of hypervigilance, as Lee had said. Surely someone who had been through everything she'd been through was entitled to a few moments of nerves? A sudden epiphany had her tossing back the covers and heading to the kitchen where Lee was tossing pasta with some fresh pesto.

"Lee?" Looking over his shoulder at her, he gave her his best senior agent frown.

"_You_ are supposed to be resting." He told her.

"_I_ have something important to say." Amanda retorted.

"Oh?" Smiling, Lee leaned back against the counter.

"Yeah. I want to ask you something." Amanda told him, choosing her words carefully. "If the situation had been reversed, if you'd been the one Birol captured because you'd called out to me to save my life, would you regret it?"

"Not for a second." Lee answered immediately. Once the words were out of his mouth, he paused and considered them, slowly seeing what Amanda was trying to tell him.

"Even if you knew what would happen, would it be worth it to you to go through that to save my life?"

"Yes."

"Well, it's worth it for me too." Amanda felt a deep calm settle over her. "Claudia told me that PTSD isn't about the event, it's about how a person reacts to it." Stepping forward, she wrapped her arms around his waist and smiled up at him. "I love you, sweetheart. And if the price to keep you safe was a few miserable days in Birol's company, well, I think I got the better end of that deal." Lee's eyes watered at her declaration. "Let go of your guilt, Lee, there's nothing to feel guilty about. You can be mad at Birol if you'd like, but we'll both be fine."

"You really are the most incredible woman." Lee told her. "Look, supper will be ready in about ten minutes. Why don't you call your mother?" Amanda nodded but tugged Lee with her into the living room. Understanding what she needed, Lee sat down on the sofa and pulled Amanda onto his lap. Reaching for the phone, he gave her the handset and quickly dialled the number before she could change her mind.

Amanda felt like a coward, but she hoped that she would get the answering machine. Naturally, she wasn't that lucky. "Hello?" At the sound of her mother's voice, Amanda felt her eyes water. Desperate not to cry, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Lee's hand stroked up and down her back, offering silent support.

"Hi mother, it's Amanda."

"Amanda! Where are you? Do you know, that _charming_ Mr. Stetson came by? Why have you never mentioned how gorgeous he is? Really, Amanda, are you blind?" Dotty's ramble was so perfectly unremarkable that Amanda had to bite her lip not to laugh. "He just dropped by while I was picking up the den, well, picking things up _from_ the den! That's what I explained to him too. He said you would be at least another day but that was yesterday and when are you coming home?"

"Mother, there's been some problems on this project so I've been asked to stay on for another week or so." Amanda said quickly as her mother paused for breath. "It's a lot of paid overtime so I'd really like to make the most of it, if that's okay?"

"Of course, dear. And is Mr. Stetson there?" Dotty asked suggestively. Lee grinned, overhearing that.

"Yes mother, he caught up with me yesterday. He'll need to drive back up to Washington for some meetings tomorrow though, so if you could pack a suitcase for me with some fresh clothing, I'll ask him to stop by and pick it up on the way back."

"Of course, dear." Anticipating her mother's next question, Amanda pre-empted any question that would require a lie.

"Thank you mother, bye!" As she hung up, they heard Dotty asking where she was calling from.

"Gorgeous and charming, huh?" Lee asked, hamming it up. Amanda laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Yeah, I have pretty high standards, you know." Amanda dropped a line of kisses along the side of Lee's neck. She knew the exact moment that he lost his train of thought. Catching his earlobe between her teeth, she bit gently. Lee shuddered in response, making her bolder. As she turned closer to him, Lee adjusted his position so he could kiss her. If she'd had any doubt about his ardour after her time with Birol, it was quickly dissipated.

They probably would have made love right there on the sofa, but the timer interrupted them. Pulling apart, both of them out of breath, they smiled at each other. Both of them knew that they were on the path to recovery. Standing up with Amanda in his arms, Lee carried her to the dining room, setting her down on one of the chairs. Quickly plating up their supper, Lee brought her a small portion. "There's more if you want, but I wasn't sure you were ready for a full meal yet." He explained. His serving was a bit more generous but still light for a man his size.

"Lee, you need to eat more than that." Amanda chided.

"Uhm… I didn't eat either while you were gone." He admitted. "I don't think my stomach would do any better than yours."

"Do you want to tell me about it?" Lee shook his head.

"Not tonight. I just want to enjoy both of us feeling a little bit better. Let's talk about what it'll be like when we're married."

"Okay. Mrs. DiAngelo said that you asked about early retirement and the two salary hike?" Amanda teased. "She was right on the money! Told me that when a bachelor starts asking for that kind of information, _bring on the rice!" _Amanda's imitation of Edna DiAngelo made Lee laugh.

"I forgot about that! I could have strangled her when I came into the office and saw her talking to you." Lee chuckled. "I thought she was going to ruin my big moment." Lee shook his head. "I guess I did that all by myself. Proposing in a terrorist's hideout is hardly a grand romantic setting."

"Are you kidding? All you needed was shining armour and a horse!" Amanda laughed. "When I finally realised you were there? I was just so happy!" Lee chuckled.

"I hadn't planned on being taken by Birol, but when he took me to you, it was all worth it." Spearing a piece of pasta, Lee realised that Amanda's assurance that she would do it all over again had worked exactly as she'd expected. The guilt of the last week was receding quickly and Lee was starting to feel like himself again. Reaching for her hand, he frowned as he noticed the time. It was quarter to nine. Sighing, he stood up and went to get both of their medications.

"I don't think I'll need the BZ tonight after all." Amanda told him.

"You heard Claudia." Lee told her firmly. "At least tonight and tomorrow. Though if you continue to improve as much as you have in the last few hours, I think that by the following night, she'll have you just taking the diazepam."

"Alright." Amanda sighed, collecting their empty plates.


	10. Chapter 10

Amanda woke up the next morning feeling a lot better. Stretching she rolled over and smiled. Lee was still sleeping. The dark smudges under his eyes were starting to fade. He slept like a kid; on his stomach, limbs all over the place. She'd wake up with a crick in her neck if she slept like that.

His bare back was smooth and inviting, a ripple of muscle here and there as he shifted his position. Straddling his thighs, Amanda began dropping kisses along his shoulder and down his spine. Feeling the tension that lingered in his muscles, Amanda began a gentle massage. As Lee woke up, she increased the pressure, working away until he seemed to melt back into the pillows. Finally, she moved to the side of the bed so that he could roll onto his back. "Thank you, that was amazing." He pulled her on top of him again and spent a long time just kissing her, his hands travelling up and down her back. "I'll give you a massage once your wounds have healed." He promised.

"That's a promise I'll hold you to." Amanda warned. He laughed.

"Get up. I'll take your dressings off so you can have a proper shower. I think we should walk over to the bakery across the park for breakfast." Amanda froze.

"It's too soon."

"No, it's not. The sooner you start going out again, the sooner you'll be comfortable in public. Your injuries won't show if you cover up a little."

"Lee-"

"A-man-da." He frowned at her for good measure. "You need to do this. I know it's scary but if you think about it, it really shouldn't be. We're going to walk outside a few hundred yards, in a safe neighbourhood, in broad daylight. There is absolutely nothing to be worried about."

"What if the same thing happens as yesterday?" Amanda asked. She thought she was probably past the hypervigilance now, but she wasn't past worrying about the possibility of over-reacting to some unexpected event.

"It won't. I'm not leaving you out of my sight for a minute." Lee told her. "I'm going to call the Agency and make sure that Claudia and Quidd come here instead of us going there. You're doing better, I'm feeling better, and I think that staying somewhere more familiar is a good plan for the next few days. Once we've both had a bit more rest, things will start improving."

"Okay. But remember, I told mother that you'd be by this morning to collect some clothes for me."

"Oh yeah. I'll give Francine a call –"

"Lee! I don't need a babysitter. And Francine has work to do."

"Amanda, I don't want to leave you here by yourself and I can't exactly take you with me, can I?" Amanda shook her head. "So, until Claudia gives the all-clear, I won't leave you alone. You've been through a lot and for once you're going to let the rest of us take care of you." Lee gave her a stern look. Amanda thought he looked adorable.

"Oh, alright." Amanda grumbled as Lee reached for the phone. The conversation was short but when Lee hung up he had a satisfied grin.

"Francine'll be over in about an hour. So come on, get dressed. We're going out for pastries." Muttering to herself about how agents could be bullies, Amanda headed for the bedroom. By the time she'd changed her clothes, her natural optimism was resurfacing. For all that she considered it something of a mandate to take care of others, there was something quite sweet about all these big, strong agents bending over backwards to take such good care of her. Even Francine was being uncharacteristically kind. Amanda supposed that as long as she had to be side-lined, it was nice to know that Lee had some backup if he asked for it. Pulling his hoodie over her t-shirt again and pulling on some oversized sunglasses, Amanda considered her reflection. Covered as she was, it was almost impossible to notice her bruises, especially those that had started to fade from green to yellow. The jeans were a bit snug and if anyone looked too closely they'd see the bulge of dressings but she thought she'd be okay.

"Quit procrastinating." Lee ordered indulgently from the bedroom doorway. "You'll do fine. Just squeeze my hand if you start to feel anxious and we'll talk about it, okay?" Amanda nodded and took the hand he offered.

As soon as they were out of the building, Lee pointed across the green. "See, it's just right over there." Amanda nodded and took a step forward, her death-grip on Lee was perhaps a bit excessive but he didn't complain, setting a strolling pace as they made their way around the small park. Five minutes later, he was ordering them each a croissant and a cappuccino. Amanda looked longingly at the few tables and chairs that were set out in the sunshine. They'd timed their visit well, between the morning rush and time when stay-at-home mothers came out to socialise. Most seats were free. "Do you want to give it a go?" Lee whispered by her ear. "Or do you want to stay inside?" Amanda hesitated and then straightened her back in preparation of the challenge ahead.

"I want to go out and enjoy the freedom of sitting in the sunshine." She told Lee, leaving him to carry their coffees and pastries out.

They spent an hour at the small café. Within a few minutes, Amanda relaxed against the chair-back and raised her face to the warmth of the Sun, closing her eyes behind. Lee felt his own tension subsiding. He'd known it was a gamble to bring Amanda out like this but he was determined to help her get back to normal and this was something they'd enjoyed a few times when they'd been in his neighbourhood during the day. She was perhaps a bit quiet still, but he was seeing more and more of his Amanda emerge. With a few false starts, they managed to piece together a reasonable conversation. "Will you tell mother I'll call her again tonight?"

"Sure. Maybe you should try talking to the boys?"

"Yeah, maybe." Amanda agreed, though Lee suspected that she wasn't entirely convinced that she was ready.

"I'll be with you when you do." He promised. "Now, is there anything you'd like to do this afternoon? Quidd and Claudia should be here around one o'clock so that means we'll still have most of the afternoon to do whatever you like."

"I want you to start teaching me self-defence." Amanda told him quietly.

"No."

"But Lee-"

"Amanda, you have healing bruises and burns." Lee reminded. "I'll happily help you learn, but you're going to do it right. You're going to go see Stanley and he'll teach you the basics then I'll help you practice."

"Oh, okay." Lee reached over and took her hand in his, dropping a kiss on her knuckles.

"I promise, we'll get you the training as soon as you get the all-clear from the medics. Maybe you should join my gym and we can work out there." Amanda nodded and smiled. "Which reminds me, there's something I want to talk to you about."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I want to start contributing financially."

"No." Amanda told him just as firmly as he'd just rejected her demand for self-defence lessons.

"Amanda, listen to me."

"I never took alimony from Joe and –"

"It's not alimony!" Lee interrupted, annoyed at being compared to Joe. "You're going to be my wife and that's going to require some changes."

"Fine, then we'll make those changes once we're married."

"Amanda! I don't want to argue with you about this."

"Then don't." She retorted. "Lee, we're fine and it'll look just a bit suspicious if the family finances have a sudden boost."

"Alright! But then I want us to open a joint account for now. I'll start putting money into it. If nothing else, we can use it to pay for the wedding."

"Okay." Amanda muttered. Lee bit back a smile. Amanda was starting to get her self-confidence back. She was arguing with him like she would have before Birol ever touched her.

"Come on, we should head back. Francine will be here soon." Standing up, Amanda cleared the table and took the tray back inside. It was another sign that she was becoming more like her old self by the minute.

Shortly after they arrived back at the apartment, Francine arrived. Settling on the couch with Amanda, they happily began chatting while Lee headed to Amanda's house. Knowing the boys would be at school, Lee considered his chances of getting in and out of the house without an inquisition. They weren't good.

* * *

Dotty had clearly been watching for him because she opened the door before he was even around the Corvette. "Mr. Stetson! Come in, I've just put a pot of coffee on." Dotty told him.

"Uh… I can't stay, Mrs. West."

"Nonsense." There was no mistaking her tone. Lee was not getting out of here until she'd said what she had to say. Giving in gracefully, Lee moved into the kitchen and accepted a cup of coffee. "Now then. You caught me quite flat-footed the other day. But now that I've had a chance to think about it, and after speaking with Amanda last night, I'm afraid that I don't really believe that there's nothing between you two." Lee blinked in surprise. This, he had not expected. "Mr. Stetson, I may be a grandmother twice over but I am no fool."

"No ma'am." Lee agreed, scrambling desperately for a believable lie. Unfortunately, he had no idea what her next gambit would be. He didn't need to wait long.

"Mr. Stetson, I know my daughter very well. I know what she sounds like when she's happy, sad, mad, or exasperated. Last night when I spoke to her, she was none of those things." Lee relaxed slightly. Actually, Amanda had probably been all of those things, plus a few more, when she'd spoken to her mother. Mrs. West wasn't batting a thousand, at least. "I don't know what is going on and I'm pretty sure that that's no accident. But let me tell you this: Amanda is a strong, capable woman who went through a lot in her divorce and I will not stand to see her hurt again. So whatever your intentions are with regards to my daughter, they better be honourable."

"Mrs. West, I know Amanda hasn't told you much about me." Lee began. "But I can tell you something that might help. Amanda is my best friend and I'd die before I hurt her or let anyone else hurt her. Please, trust me. I'll always look out for her." Dotty considered him for a moment. The declaration was much more devotion than she would ever expect from a co-worker. She wasn't sure what was going on with Amanda but she was almost certain that this gorgeous, charming man was in love with her daughter. Biting back a smile, she considered the rather impractical extras she'd slipped into Amanda's suitcase. In addition to a few changes of daytime attire, she'd added a few pieces that would be perfect if Amanda and Mr. Stetson were able to find time for something other than work during their trip.

"Very well. I know you're eager to get on the road. I've left the suitcase in Amanda's room, if you'd be so kind as to bring it down?"

"Of course." Dotty's lips twitched as she heard him take the stairs three at a time and head straight into Amanda's bedroom. He hadn't asked for directions.


	11. Chapter 11

Lee breathed a sigh of relief as he pulled up in front of his apartment building. His future mother-in-law had just delivered a masterclass in high-level diplomatic negotiation. Without ever saying it overtly, she'd made it absolutely clear that she was willing to approve his relationship with Amanda but only if he proved that he was up to the level she deserved. He wasn't sure that there was a man alive who was up to that standard, but he was sure that there wasn't one who would try harder or love Amanda more than he did. Lifting the ridiculously large suitcase out of the trunk of his car, he hurried up the walkway and into the building.

As he approached the apartment, he was delighted to hear Francine and Amanda laughing like loons. Knocking loudly to alert them to his arrival, he waited until he heard someone approach. "It's Lee." Francine called out before opening the door. Lee smiled as she let him in.

"Sounds like you and Amanda are having fun." Lee said.

"We are, I was just telling Amanda about how we met." Francine told him, earning a chuckle.

"How come you never told me that story?" Amanda asked.

"I was saving it for future blackmail purposes." Lee answered, winking at Francine.

"How'd you do at the house?"

"Well, I either have your mother's approval or I've just been given fair warning to be very, very good to you." Amanda smiled fondly at him.

"You always are."

"Amanda," Francine began, eyeing the large suitcase. "How long does your mother expect you to be away?"

"A decade, if the weight of this thing is anything to go by." Lee answered, carrying the luggage to the bedroom. Francine reached for her purse.

"I better get going. I'm still… uhm…"

"Debriefing Birol?" Amanda asked, realising that her friend was trying to avoid any mention of the terrorist. Francine cringed but nodded. "That's okay, Francine. I guessed that maybe with Lee here, you were left with clean up."

"He's not having a good time of it, Amanda. I can promise you that. We've been taking it in 8 hour shifts. He hasn't slept since we got you back." Lee shook his head and frowned at Francine. Amanda supposed that he didn't want her relishing her captor's predicament. She wished she was able to be that nice but she just wasn't.

"Thanks Francine. I'm just glad that Lee won't need to do it. I think that Birol would be enjoying it less, but there'd be a whole lot more paperwork."

"Probably." Lee agreed grimly. He hated to admit it but he probably wouldn't be able to maintain his professionalism if he was facing Birol. Now that he had some idea what he'd put Amanda through, the single knockout punch that Lee had administered seemed inconsequential. Following Francine to the door, he smiled when she leaned closer to whisper.

"Trust me on this, Birol is hoping that he'll have an easier time of it behind bars, but he won't. We've managed to find cause for the case to be tried in Virginia instead of Maryland." Lee nodded and smiled. The difference was important. In Maryland, Birol faced life in prison, in Virginia he faced the death penalty. Even if he didn't get a capital sentence, the prisons in Virginia were notoriously tougher than the ones just across the state line. Winking, Francine left and Lee closed the door. Returning to the living room, Lee noticed that Amanda had disappeared into the bedroom with her suitcase. More surprisingly, a moment later, he heard Amanda start to laugh. His lips twitched as he listened to her laugh harder and harder for a moment. Curious, he stepped into the room.

"What's so funny?" Amanda spun around to face him, her hand slamming the suitcase closed in the process. Intrigued, Lee watched as Amanda's cheeks went bright, bright red. "Okay, now I'm intrigued." Obviously trying to contain her laughter, Amanda bit down on her bottom lip for a moment before giving up the fight with a shrug. Reaching down, she opened the suitcase again, revealing a chaotic pile of sexy, silky lingerie. "Apparently, my mother had your convenience in mind more than mine when she packed!" Amanda told him. Lee laughed.

"I guess we'll go shopping tomorrow."

"I guess so." Amanda agreed. Lee didn't miss her small hesitation, or the fact that she quickly pushed it aside. Pleased with her progress, he held out a hand. "Come on, we can make lunch while I tell you about my interrogation. You know, your mother could give the KGB lessons."

* * *

Claudia and Quidd arrived shortly after two o'clock. Amanda had found time to bake a cake so it was a very relaxed session over coffee. Describing everything that had happened since the last session, Amanda and Lee kept a hold of each other's hand.

"It sounds like you've both made a remarkable amount of progress since we spoke yesterday. Amanda, your interpretation of your captivity as an excellent exchange for Lee's life is a very positive one. I really think you're on to something." Claudia praised. "Lee, how do you feel about what Amanda's said?"

"It's helping, a lot more than I expected actually. And the reason is just that I know Amanda loves me as much as I love her so I really understand where she's coming from. I'm humbled by it, but it really is helping."

"That's great, Scarecrow." Quidd offered. "But this kind of thing can't just be explained into context and then forgotten. I want you both to continue with your sessions, though I think we'll space them out a bit more so that you can take some time to do other things that will help you emotionally recover. So tomorrow, why don't you guys just have a normal day off and we'll do another session on Wednesday and again on Friday? We'll need to do an assessment again on Friday before we can clear you to return on Monday."

"Okay. Can I skip the BZ though? I think I'll be okay to sleep now without it." Neither physician missed the look that passed between the two before Lee spoke up.

"I think Amanda's right. She'll probably be okay to sleep now. Besides, it can't hurt to try. If things get out of hand, we can still use the remaining dose." Amanda smiled. She knew that it wasn't easy for Lee to entertain even the possibility that she'd have another difficult night but it was important that he was willing to try because she was.

"Alright. But I still want you to take the diazepam for now. Kelford also asked me to have a look at those injuries, just to be sure that there's no need for further treatment." Amanda nodded and stood up to head to the bedroom.

Once they were alone in the living room, Lee shot Quidd a questioning look. "Will she be okay, do you think?"

"I really do." Quidd said with a smile. "You've managed an incredible level of progress in just a few days, Lee. I admit that when you first brought her home, I wasn't sure it was for the best and especially after I heard about the grocery store incident. But she's really perked up, her body language and speech patterns are all more consistent with someone who is recovering well. And I think that your personal relationship has proven to be a tremendous source of strength for both of you. I've also noticed that you are responding much better than I expected."

"Me?"

"Yes. You're not known for your ability to deal with emotional complications, Lee. Or at least, you haven't dealt well with them in the past. In particular, you seem to be letting go of the guilt that you were clearly carrying around when we spoke in Billy's office." Lee chuckled.

"I guess Amanda just helps me feel differently about things."

"I guess she does. Now I want you two to seriously consider doing something fun and relaxing tomorrow. Just take it easy and do what feels right."

"Thanks doc. I think we'll do just that." Lee said softly, contemplating options. A moment later, Claudia and Amanda returned, chatting amiably.

"I got the all clear." Amanda announced, smiling at Lee. "Don't even need any dressings anymore." Claudia made a few notes and then smiled at them.

"We'll see you the day after tomorrow."

"Thanks." Lee and Amanda chorused. Once they were alone again, Lee smiled.

"How about if we drive out to Chesapeake Beach for the day? I know a great place on the water where we could go for lunch? Maybe have a walk along the beach?"

"Sounds perfect." Amanda agreed. "Only, can we just make it a day for us? Just to celebrate our engagement. No talking about Birol, or the Agency?"

"Agreed." Lee said, pulling her closer for a kiss.


	12. Chapter 12

Because they both woke up exceptionally early, they decided to leave the city before morning rush hour kept them back. Tossing Lee the keys, Amanda relaxed into the passenger seat of the Wagoneer. She didn't feel like driving and there was something nice about just watching the scenery whizz by. "You realise that we'll need to introduce you to the boys now?" Lee took a deep breath and let it out as chuckle.

"It's funny, I've been aware of them for so long that it feels like I know them already. But I guess I'll be news to them."

"Oh yeah." Amanda agreed. "It probably will be a bit rocky at the start. They haven't always been on their best behaviour when I've dated men before."

"Yeah, I remember. Sugar in Dweeb's gas tank, was it?" Lee asked with a smirk. Amanda rolled her eyes.

"Stetson, you better act your age, not theirs!" Amanda warned. "Don't think that you'll get away with setting a bad example." Lee laughed again and lifted her hand to his lips without looking away from the road.

"I promise. I won't encourage them in that direction. Especially not if my car is nearby!" Lee merged into the fast lane and overtook a few cars before resuming the conversation. "You know, it's not just the boys that are going to need to adjust and make some changes."

"I know. We'll need to consider moving. The house is already cramped. I can't imagine what it'll be like with another adult moving in." Lee blinked. He hadn't really considered that he'd be moving into the house that Amanda had once shared with Joe. Worse, it was a house that Joe had largely paid for.

On the one hand, Lee had come to be attached to that house. It embodied so many memories of their first few years together. On the other hand, he really didn't want the memory of Joe King's love making floating above the bed he and Amanda would share. "But, can we at least hold off until the school year is done? I really don't want to disrupt the boys' school year if I can help it."

"Of course." Lee flashed Amanda a smile and decided to jump into the subject that he'd been thinking of a lot lately. "Amanda,"

"Yes?"

"What would you say… I mean, you can say no and that's okay, but would you ever maybe consider having another baby? With me?" _With me? Smooth Stetson! _Lee berated himself silently. When Amanda didn't immediately answer, he looked over and saw her eyes were shiny. Worried he'd made an inexcusable gaff, Lee sought a way to backtrack. When he couldn't find one, he reached out to his lifeline. "Amanda?"

"I would love to have a baby with you. You'll be a great, great dad, Lee."

"How do you know?"

"Because I know you. You're a caring, protective man who won't let a thing happen to your family." Lee smiled at that.

"I thought you were going to say no, for a second."

"I'm saying yes. But I think that we'll need to time it a bit. You and the boys need time and space to build relationships. We'll need to consider living arrangements. And I want a bit more time in the field before we start making babies."

"Okay. I'm just excited." Lee admitted. "Before I fell in love with you, the idea of becoming a dad was scary. Certainly I had no desire to watch any woman I was dating get all round with pregnancy. But when I imagine how you'll look… I don't think I'll be able to concentrate on anything else. I'll probably just follow you around drooling and then drag you into cupboards and closets every ten minutes to make love." He admitted. "I dream about it all the time." Amanda chuckled.

"Sweetheart, I think that's really sweet." Pausing, she continued. "Completely unrealistic, of course. But very sweet."

"What you don't think I could be stealthy in seducing a pregnant wife?"

"I think that having a pregnant wife will be a great revelation to you!" She laughed. "Lee, pregnancy is nothing like what they show on magazine covers or in TV shows. With Phillip I got pregnant in July and with Jamie it was February. For both, I was sleepy for the first trimester, ravenous for the second, and moody for the third. I suspect that may have been one inducement for Joe to move to Africa." Lee laughed as he imagined it. "Never mind if I'd had to wedge myself into the Corvette!"

"Well, if you get stuck in the car, at least I know you'll stay there."

"Very funny."

"But… even if you're puffy, blotchy, moody, and sleepy I just know that you'll be the most beautiful pregnant woman the world's ever seen and I'll shoot any man who says something different." Lee promised.

"I'll hold you to that." Amanda teased. "So that's the big questions addressed."

"Actually, there's something else I want to talk to you about." Lee began, still sounding nervous. Amanda wondered what he could possibly be nervous about now. He'd sailed through the proposal and a discussion of where they would live and the possibility of having a baby. What was left?

"What is it sweetheart?" Lee smiled. He didn't think Amanda knew it, but it was the first time she'd used that endearment on him.

"I want to start contributing to the household finances."

"No." Lee took a deep breath.

"A-man-da! It's crazy that I'm making a senior agent salary and only have myself to spend it on and you're trying to make ends meet with a freshman agent salary and two kids and a mother to support."

"First of all, that is not my only source of income. Joe pays child support and mother contributes too. Second, you have your own place to maintain. Third, how exactly would I explain the money?"

"You don't have to tell your mother."

"I'm not thinking about my mother. I'm remembering Margaret Brock and Spiderweb." Lee sighed. During that case, the Russians had deposited fifty thousand dollars into Amanda's bank account as one more way of making her look suspicious. "You know how things go at the Agency. Anyone with a keyboard and five spare minutes could get curious. If they looked into your finances, or mine, it would look suspicious."

"A-man-da, I want to participate!" Realizing that she was treading on some primal male urge to provide and that it was clashing with her hard-won independence, Amanda suggested alternative.

"Why don't you start saving for a down-payment on that bigger house? That way, we might not need to wait until I've sold my house before we start looking." Lee shot her a look that told her he wasn't quite satisfied with her proposal, but he would let the subject drop for now.


	13. Chapter 13

The Inn On The Bay was a charmingly restored Victorian house that boasted only three guest rooms. Because it was an off-season weeknight, Lee and Amanda were shown to the south-facing suite. Done up in powder blue and white, it was very pretty. The bed was ridiculously inviting with big fluffy pillows and a striped coverlet. The owner had even arranged for them to have dinner at a nearby restaurant that he insisted not only boasted great food but the only professional sommelier.

With the afternoon before them to explore, Lee and Amanda quickly changed into warm and waterproof clothing. They were the only ones on the beach and spent over an hour walking to the nearby village for a simple lunch and a bit of shopping. They stopped in a small gallery that boasted local crafts. The paintings were all by local artists. One of them unmistakably represented a very stylised view of their own suite in a kaleidoscope of colours. "Stunning, isn't it?" Lee said to Amanda as they looked at the piece.

"Oh, that's by Bob Belden, up at the Inn." The gallery owner told them. "His wife Peggy finally convinced him to show a few pieces here."

"It's magnificent." Lee said softly. "Reminds me of a Scottish artist I once saw an exhibit for. I think his name was Francis Boag." Shaking his head, he smiled at Amanda. "It's a shame neither of us has anywhere to put it. I'd buy it in an instant."

"It would be a perfect souvenir of this little trip." Amanda agreed. "Let's think about it tonight and maybe we can figure something out." Lee nodded but it still took a few moments before he finally tore himself away from the painting. Wandering off, he was soon out of sight. Smiling, Amanda handed the gallery owner her credit card. "Don't let him know that I've bought it. It'll be a surprise." Amanda reflected that one of the really nice things about transitioning from part-time civilian to full-time agents was the greater disposable income. This was going to be her wedding gift to Lee. There was a spot right above the bed in her bedroom that would be perfect until they bought a new house.

The sale was quickly finalised and Amanda returned to Lee's side. He'd finished his round of the gallery and suggested going for a coffee and pastry as they'd missed lunch. The gallery owner helpfully pointed them towards a café in a converted cottage and Lee and Amanda ran over, laughing as they raced the storm. Reaching the café, they were greeted by a grandmotherly lady who introduced herself as Lulla and bustled them straight to a comfortable couch in front of a cheerful fire. Fussing over their wet clothes, she covered their laps with handmade afghans before reciting the specials of the day. Lee and Amanda opted for a pot of tea and some homemade scones with jam. Wrapping an arm around Amanda's shoulders, Lee hugged her close. It was a moment before he realised she was trying not to giggle. "What's so funny?" He asked.

"I was just remembering the last time we were in exactly this position." Amanda told him. It had been during the Sacker case. They had been chained together, cold, damp, and being hunted by a bunch of mercenaries. Amanda still considered that night in the swamp a turning point in their relationship.

"Not exactly." Lee answered mischievously, making Amanda laugh. She adjusted her position so her legs were draped over Lee's knees. It was a position they almost always adopted when they were on a couch away from work.

"I know… just two cold people…" Amanda imitated Lee's senior agent speech to perfection before she started giggling. "You should have seen your face when I just didn't play along, Scarecrow."

"There I was, trying to be noble and professional and you changed the rules on me." Lee shook his head and lowered his voice. "I'm so glad you did. I'd been thinking for a while that it was all my imagination. I don't think I'd ever have crossed the line to romance if you hadn't called me on that line." Kissing her softly, he smiled. "I love you, Amanda. I still can't quite believe that I'd be lucky enough to have you love me too."

"Loving you has nothing to do with luck, Lee. It's all about the extraordinary man that you are." They shared another kiss but were interrupted by the arrival of their order. For the first time ever, they really got the chance to really talk, uninterrupted, about what had brought them together and what they wanted for the future. As the wind continued to smash the November rain against the windows, they ordered another pot of coffee and talked some more.

"… I guess I never really noticed how much I'd sacrificed so Joe could follow his dream." Amanda said. "Working with you, and now the classes with Ephraim, I am really enjoying all of it. I never would have chosen this as a career when I was in college, but now I can't imagine doing anything else." Amanda admitted.

"You're a natural, you know." Lee told her. "You're setting new records in how well you're doing in all of your classes."

"I really enjoy it. I mean, I've been working with you in the field for so long, and I just kind of absorbed so much from you already. I guess it isn't really fair to compare me to real freshmen agents."

"Maybe not, but then, it wasn't really fair to drag you into the field like I did without all that training and you still came out of every situation like a pro. " Lee chuckled and shook his head. "You may not know this, but everyone in Field Sector has upped their game since you arrived."

"They have not!"

"Yeah, we have. At the beginning, it was just the fervent desire not to be shown up by _The Arlington Housewife_." Lee teased. "You were ten times the operative that most agents in field sector are. Now? We all dread ever disappointing you. You just make everyone feel so special that the thought of letting you down makes everyone try harder. You've even managed to soften Francine's sharp edges a bit!" Amanda laughed at and then was charmed all over when Lee shared his next thought. "You've changed me more than anyone else." He told her. "I keep thinking that I was such a confident fool when we met. I thought I was so worldly, so sophisticated. But it's only recently that I've realised how much love changes everything. I'm actually feeling a bit nervous about tonight, to tell you the truth." Amanda blinked at the unexpected admission.

"Why?"

"Well, I've never…" Lee's cheeks blazed pink, amusing Amanda who resisted the urge to giggle. "It's never mattered so much to me to get everything perfect." Amanda rolled her eyes.

"No pressure then?" She teased. "Sweetheart, we love each other and we know each other better than anyone has ever known either of us. It's going to be perfect because it's you and me." Grinning at him, she added, "Besides, if it should be anything less than perfect, we'll just have to practice until we get it right." Surprised by the leering look that Amanda gave him, Lee laughed loudly enough that two elderly ladies at a table across the room looked over.

"I guess we should head back to our room and get settled in." Lee said, standing up. Holding out his hand, he pulled Amanda to her feet and dropped a kiss on her nose. "You know, you really do have a cute nose!" Laughing, they paid and headed out into the rain for the walk back to the inn.

When they arrived, they were shivering and soaked to the bone. Gallantly, Lee offered Amanda first grab at the bathroom. Smiling, she collected a few things and disappeared, leaving Lee with nothing to do but pull out fresh clothes and look out the window at the waves crashing along the waterfront. It didn't take long for Amanda to emerge, pink and warm from her shower, with her hair towelled and brushed into unusual straightness. Wrapped in a fluffy robe, she was the picture of health and he suddenly realised just how much progress she'd made since he'd rescued her from Birol. She was back to being his beautiful, cheerful partner. He knew the bruises and burns weren't completely healed yet, but she was back to an emotional place where tonight could really be about them and not just about trying to get her better. This wasn't about recovery, it was just about love. Picking up his own supplies, Lee paused on his way past only long enough to pull her close with his free arm and drop a kiss on her forehead before continuing into the bathroom.

While Lee was in the shower, Amanda finished drying off and then pulled a scrap of satin out of her suitcase. The tiny camisole and matching panties were almost iridescent, the colour shifting between blue, green, and purple as the fabric hugged her body. Quickly covering the suggestive underwear with a simple red dress that she'd been keeping for a special occasion, Amanda sat down at the dresser to dry her hair and put on her makeup. Shaking her head, she realised that it was probably the first time since she was sixteen that she'd spent so many consecutive days without putting on makeup. As she finished off with some lipstick, she smiled. It was a bit silly but these small routines mattered and having a day where she had gotten up, gotten out most of the day, put on make-up and now had a date with the most amazing man she'd ever known gave her hope that she'd soon be back to her normal life. The fact that it would probably end in a night of _perfect_ passion with Lee Stetson made her reflect that life wasn't just normal, it was spectacular.

In the shower, Lee couldn't help smiling as he ran the soap over his body. He couldn't believe it. Three and a half years ago, he'd had a case go so badly that in desperation he'd handed a package to a woman in a nightgown and trench-coat. Tonight, he was going to make love to that same woman. What he hadn't been able to say to Amanda earlier was that for all his amorous exploits of the past, this was the first time he was ever going to make love. All those years of shallow affairs meant less than nothing to him now; but at least he knew he had the skills to make it a memorable night for both of them. He'd imagined this so many times that he could hardly believe the time had finally come. For a few moments, he imagined how this night was going to end.

It didn't take long for his body to respond to the erotic images that were playing before his mind's eye. Looking down, Lee groaned and turned off the hot water. Given it was the off season and they were the only ones staying at the inn, it was unthinkable to be noticeably late for dinner. Lee stood under the icy jet until his body finally came back under control.

Turning off the water, he quickly dried off then shaved and dressed. Opening the door, he found Amanda by the window, looking so beautiful it took his breath away. Walking up behind her, he wrapped his arms around her waist and dropped a kiss on the side of her neck. "That was some shower." She said softly, wiggling against him. Lee bit lightly on her earlobe in retaliation.

"Don't tease me."

"I wasn't planning on it. Come on, let's go eat. It looks like the weather will get worse again and I want to be sure we can get back here in good time."


	14. Chapter 14

_Windswept Dreams_ was a small restaurant overlooking the rocky side of the bay. "Stetson, we have a reservation?" Lee asked as they came into the cosy building. Turning to Amanda, he gently lifted her coat off her shoulders, brushing his fingers along her neck in the spot he planned to kiss later.

"Of course, Monsieur Stetson." The maître d' hung both of their coats and handed them a check tag before leading them to a beautifully laid out table in a glass-walled alcove. As they took their seats, a waiter approached with the menus and wine list. Glancing around, Lee noticed that every table in the small restaurant was packed, despite the fact that it was a midweek evening in a small coastal town. Seeing his look, the maître d' smiled. "We have a particularly appreciative clientele." The man said.

"Vous êtes bourguignon, n'est pas?" Lee asked, recognizing the man's accent. Amanda hid her smile behind her menu. She knew that Lee was fluent in French and Dutch and he never missed an opportunity to practice. She'd be surprised if they didn't end the meal with the man bringing over a digestif and drinking it at their table. It wouldn't be the first time.

To her surprise, Lee quickly ended the conversation and their new French friend retreated. "Dinner should be good, he was classically trained in Paris. That's where he met his American wife. She's the chef tonight, they take turns." Lee explained. "They moved back here when her mother became ill and their kids love it here so they decided to stay." Lee explained. Amanda chuckled.

"Trust you to figure out the man's life in under thirty seconds." She teased. Lee chuckled and started reading the menu.

Lee ordered champagne cocktails to start, gently chiming the edge of his crystal glass against Amanda's. "To our engagement." Amanda offered.

"To love." Lee corrected softly, lifting Amanda's hand off the table to kiss her knuckles. Soon, their starters arrived and they settled into the familiar conversation patterns. Lee tried to impress her but Amanda scoffed at most of his exaggerated adventure stories. They started a bucket list of things they'd like to do together and talked about how they would introduce Lee to the boys. "I have to say, I'm a little bit nervous about finally meeting the boys." Lee admitted. "I mean, I feel like I've known them forever but they've never even heard of me."

"I think you'll have an easy time with Phillip but Jamie might be a tougher nut to crack." Amanda admitted.

"Really? I thought for sure Phillip would want me to prove myself and Jamie doesn't seem like the kind of kid who'd be adversarial." Amanda laughed softly.

"Jamie's always been my baby, Lee. He was a baby still when Joe moved to Africa but old enough when the divorce became final to object to any new man in my life. He barely tolerated Dean, and I wasn't even in love with him! I'm just not sure how he'll adjust to you coming into the family." Lee kept his features perfectly still in an attempt to hide the sudden alarm he felt. What if Amanda decided that upsetting her son was just not worth the effort? Looking into his eyes, Amanda easily saw the remnants of the emotional walls Lee'd hidden behind for so long. He was scared and she was pretty sure she could guess why. Reaching for his hand, she gave it a gentle squeeze of reassurance. "Lee, I'm in love with you, I'm always going to be in love with you and Jamie is going to need to adapt to that. Some day, Jamie is going to fall in love and get married and when that day comes, he'll have the benefit of having spent his teenage years with an amazing, honourable, loving stepfather who will have shown him how to be a good man. I couldn't wish for a better example for the boys. And, even if they don't know it yet, and if they never find out," Amanda paused, wanting to be sure that Lee really heard the importance, not just the words, of what she wanted to say. "I am a better mother, and a better person, for having you as my best friend and soon as my husband. You've already had a profound effect on the boys, even if it's just by giving me the opportunity to become more self-assured, more capable, and more independent than I ever was before."

"Really?"

"Really. Lee, I want you to remember this conversation if the boys ever give you a hard time. We're going to be a family, and in that family, you are one of the adults. I love you, and they'll come to love you too. But parenting is a challenge. I've had a lot of practice at this parenting thing and some days, even I get it wrong. As long as you are coming at it from a position of love, you can't go too far wrong. The boys will test you – and you'll come through with flying colours. Don't worry." Lee grinned, reassured. If Amanda thought he could do something, he probably could. Hadn't they proved time and time again that they were always just what the other needed.

The rest of supper was accompanied with happy conversation and more items for their bucket list. They were both surprised when coffee arrived. Without explicitly saying it, both of them had expected to hurry through dinner and back to the inn but they'd simply enjoyed talking too much to notice the passage of time. As Lee signed the credit card receipt, Amanda chatted with the waitress. "Do you have any other plans for this evening?" The girl asked cheerfully. "Not that there's too much to do around here, I suppose." Amanda's eyes narrowed as Lee made a show of concentrating on calculating the tip.

"No, I'm recovering from an injury so I think we'll just go back to the inn for a good night's rest." Smirking as she noticed Lee's eyes shoot up from the slip of paper, Amanda watched as his gaze narrowed in what could only be described as erotic threat.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Well, I hope you still manage to enjoy your stay."

"I'm sure we will." Amanda insisted, standing up. As the waitress turned back through the slit in the curtain, Lee reached out and pulled Amanda close for a quick kiss.

"Rest? Is that what we're calling it these days?" The suggestive wiggle of his eyebrows had Amanda biting back a giggle as she slipped through the curtain – but not fast enough. Lee's hand patted her backside firmly before he stepped out into the main restaurant too.


	15. Chapter 15

Warning - this chapter is very much M rated ;) But I thought those of you who have patiently waited for me to publish more deserved a treat ;) Enjoy!

* * *

Amanda and Lee stepped into their room and smiled shyly at each other. It was so strange to consider that they were about to take this one huge irreversible step in their relationship. After tonight, everything would be different. Even if they'd been dating for months, it had just never been the right time and neither of them had been in a hurry. There was something really nice about slowly exploring this new romantic terrain between them. Even though they'd both had other relationships, this first physical consummation between them was a momentous step and they both took a moment to consider it.

Chuckling softly, Amanda stepped closer to Lee and stood on tiptoes to kiss him softly. "I'll be right back. You can start the fire." Lee demanded a more serious kiss before releasing her. Hurrying into the bathroom, Amanda pulled the tiny scrap of satin that she'd tucked into the pocket of her bathrobe earlier and held it up. "Thank you mother, this is perfect." She whispered, quickly stripping out of her dress and into the tiny lace trimmed concoction. If she let herself be too critical, she'd have wondered at the wisdom of wearing a garment that matched her lingering bruises. Instead she smiled, knowing that that particular shade of blue was one of Lee's favourites.

Taking a deep breath, she slipped out of the bathroom and towards the easy chairs by the hearth. Lee smiled and opened his arms to her and Amanda happily settled in his lap, watching the flames dance with cheerful warmth. Lee'd even managed to find a radio station that was playing some romantic music. "I love you." He told Amanda, pulling her close for a kiss. "I don't think I'll ever really be able to tell you how much."

"You tell me every day, in everything you do." Amanda answered, turning her body closer to his. There was something very erotic about wearing nearly nothing when Lee was still fully clothed. As she felt his hand slide up her leg and over her hip, the satin retreating as he advanced, Amanda relished the feeling of that same hand that she'd so often felt at the small of her back drifting over bare skin. Though she refused to spare a thought for any past lover, she knew that it had never been like this before. She had never felt anything better than Lee's touch, staking a visceral claim on her flesh. It wasn't even about sex, it was just about making physical something that had energised her for so long. She loved that he was now free to do this and in a few moments, he'd be sharing the same joy, feeling her hands on his bare skin, pulling him closer.

They just… belonged to each other. They were soul-mates who had just happened to meet on a train platform one morning. Their pleasure in each other seemed to bounce back and forth, magnifying each time. As Lee's hand cupped over her breast, Amanda's eyes sprang open in surprise. She'd never really considered a nipple that erogenous. Sure, she knew that men liked looking at women's breasts, but it had never really done that much for her, until she felt the heat of Lee's palm playing there. Pressing her hand over his to keep him there, Amanda adjusted her position again so that she was straddling him. She didn't mind when he chuckled at her ardour, instead she kissed him even as she began unbuttoning his shirt.

When her hands slid beneath the fabric and exposed his chest, she pressed her body closer so that they were pressed together from lips to hips, with only a sliver of satin between them. Lee laughed again, this time in pure joy. Standing up with her in his arms, he made his way to the bed, dropping her onto the bed and quickly shedding his clothes as he watched her wiggle into the middle of the bed. "Not yet." He whispered when Amanda prepared to remove her own clothing. Settling his hips between her thighs, Lee lowered his mouth to her nipple, torturing her with the heat and wetness of his mouth on her skin. Wickedly, he bit down lightly, eliciting a tiny scream of surprise. Laughing, he moved to the other nipple, even as his hands drifted down to her thighs, stroking gently at the limbs that promptly wrapped around his ribs.

After a while, Lee propped himself up on an elbow and reached down between Amanda's legs. Watching her, he slid a finger into her body, delighted by how ready she was for him. Amanda felt herself blush at his knowing look. Lee knew that it wasn't just her brain or her heart that wanted him – her entire body was primed for it.

As he moved his finger, Amanda began to squirm to get away from the demanding caress. When Lee didn't let her, she whimpered. "I'll never get tired of this." He promised her. "Watching you like this? Do you know your eyes go almost black with passion?

"Please, Lee! Please!" Amanda managed.

"What?" Lee teased.

"I need you." It was beyond Amanda's ability to explain that she wanted this first time to be shared. They'd have plenty of time in the future to explore giving each other pleasure but this time, she wanted it to be shared. Leaning down, Lee kissed her and adjusted his position. A moment later he was the one whimpering as he slipped into Amanda. His brain almost turned itself inside out trying to balance the need to crush her to him and the need to be gentle.

When they reached the pinnacle, Lee muffled his shout against Amanda's neck, panting against her as their bodies pulsed and throbbed against each other. Stunned by the power of the experience, Lee felt his eyes water, even as Amanda's hand came up and stroked the back of his head, soothing him the way only she could. Finally, he pulled away and stood up, grinning down at the beautiful and very dishevelled woman before him. Tugging back the covers, he ordered her between the sheets before putting out the light and banking the fire. Coming back, he smiled to see a puddle of blue satin and lace on the floor. As he slid into bed, he pulled her body snuggly against his and dropped kisses along the line of her bare shoulder.

He'd never felt such peace before. "You know, this feels a bit strange." Amanda told him.

"Not the word I would have used." Lee muttered.

"Well, here we are, in a comfortable, warm bed. No bad guys with guns, no swamps, no intrigue." She shook her head in mock disappointment. "I expected at least a threat of global annihilation to spice things up a bit."

"I'll give you spice!" Lee growled, ruthlessly tickling her ribs. He didn't stop until she was helplessly shrieking into the pillows. "Now, are you going to behave and go to sleep?" He asked sternly. Despite everything, he knew that Amanda was still recovering and needed her rest. Turning in his arms, she kissed him again.

"I love you, sweetheart."

"I love you too, Amanda."


	16. Chapter 16

The next morning, Lee woke up feeling like Superman, James Bond, and Fred Astaire all rolled into one. Amanda had curled up against him, her head resting on his chest and her arm draped over his waist. His own hand had apparently gone exploring as he slept and had the pleasant discovery that it was currently quite full of Amanda's backside. They were on the wrong side of the inn for morning sun, but there was still an orange glow shimmering out on the water. Relaxing back against the cloud of pillows, Lee savoured this moment.

Now that he knew that Amanda was really going to be his forever, there was a part of him that could finally relax. He didn't know exactly when he'd fallen in love with her, but he knew that he'd lost the battle long before that day in the Q-Bureau when he'd first kissed her. On some level, he'd kind of thought of her as _his_ ever since that day at the train station. He'd found her, he'd trusted her, and he'd protected her. She was his in every way that mattered.

"'Morning." Amanda mumbled, showing every sign of settling more deeply into sleep.

"Good morning. We have to get up, you know." Lee told her. He wondered if he could just call Claudia and Quidd and reschedule today's session. He was pretty sure that a day spent in bed together would be better therapy than any number of sessions with the Agency shrinks. _No, I told Amanda that she was going to those sessions no matter what, and that includes my sex-drive!_ Kissing the top of her head once more, he slid out of bed and stretched.

"Mmm…." Amanda mumbled appreciatively. There were worst sights to start the day with than watching every muscle on that gorgeous body ripple beneath his intriguingly uniform golden skin. "How is it you don't have any tan lines?" Amanda inquired. Lee chuckled.

"Some day, I'll take you to a really nice beach I know in Portugal. Miles and miles and miles of white sand and not a soul around to see if you strip down to your birthday suit."

"Sounds… intriguing." Amanda stretched in turn. "You have a shower first. I want to stay in bed just a bit longer." Lee turned around and smiled at her, leaning down for a lingering kiss.

"Alright. I won't be long so don't even think of going back to sleep." Hurrying away, Lee picked up Amanda's robe from the floor where it had fallen before heading to the bathroom.

Pulling on the robe, Amanda tied the sash at her waist before wandering, barefoot, to the window. In the distance, she could just see across water. Between the two shores, the occasional boat drifted in the morning light making Amanda wonder where all those sailors were going. It had been almost a week now. In just a few more days, she'd be going home and back to work as if nothing had ever happened. In truth, everything had changed. She thought of the things that had happened since the last time she'd been home. Five days with Birol, Lee's proposal, rescue, and everything else that had happened between them since.

As long as she'd known Lee, he'd protected her against all comers. She knew that he'd never let anything happen to her if he could help it. But this time, recovering from what Birol had put her though, was different. Of all the things he'd said and done, there was one moment that would stay with her forever. She'd stood in his living room and forced him to make a choice between what she wanted and what she needed and he'd given her what she needed. As much as she'd resisted, there was immense comfort in knowing that Lee cared enough to risk her wrath if it meant doing what she needed.

Smiling, she realised that this was another area in which they were similar. She'd always thought of it as just one thing that a mother had to do, but it was more than that. She'd never tried to boss Joe around the way she had with Lee after the Barnstorm case last year and Joe had never been around when she'd needed someone to take command. Joe had never been around when she needed him, period.

That thought cheered her up considerably. She hadn't really considered it until now, but marriage to Lee would be so different from her marriage to Joe. For one thing, Lee was always there when she needed him. For another, whenever she'd disagreed with Joe about something he'd put all of his training as a lawyer to use. There was not much in this world more annoying than having a marital spat derailed by an argument about _mens rea_, liability, or what was admissible!

"That's quite the smile." Lee remarked, sliding his arms around her from behind.

"I was just thinking how wonderful it will be being married to you." Turning in his arms, Amanda linked her hands behind his neck, pulling him down for a kiss.

"I like your thinking!" Lee chuckled. "I'm looking forward to it myself." Dropping another kiss on her lips, he decided to tease her a little bit. "Maybe I'll have better luck getting you to stay in bed than I ever did getting you to stay in the car!"

"I'm sure you will." Amanda laughed, then yelped as Lee's hand patted her bottom just a bit too firmly.

"Go have your shower and get dressed. You'll want breakfast and we need to get going by ten o'clock if we want to have time for lunch on the way back to Washington. You have a two o'clock appointment with Claudia, remember?"

"How could I forget? You remind me ever chance you get!" Amanda retorted as she headed for the bathroom.


	17. Chapter 17

After escorting Amanda to Claudia's office, Lee hurried back to the Q-Bureau. He had a little bit less than an hour to achieve his mission. It was a good thing that Amanda had such perfect filing skills. If the file was in the vault, he'd have it within a minute. Either she'd filed it under Delano or Hollander.

Opening the _D_ drawer, he flipped through. Sure enough, a copy of his report was there with a reference to Hollander's file. Carefully putting the file back in perfect alignment with every other file in the drawer, he moved to the _H_ drawer. Again, the file was exactly where he expected. The information he was after wasn't there though. Slamming the drawer shut, he moved up and looked through the _G_s but there was nothing about Victoria Greenwich. Running his fingers through his hair, he considered how he might get the information he needed without tossing up a lot of red flags. A computer search was out of the question and he knew that asking Leatherneck would get him nowhere. There were rumours that Leatherneck's predecessor had made the mistake of releasing information about a certain female's measurements without the proper authorisation. Pacing back and forth in the main office, he tried to focus so that he could come up with a plan.

There had to be a way! If it was anything else, he'd just ask Francine but he couldn't exactly walk up to Francine and ask if she knew Amanda's ring size! Glancing at his desk, he noticed that his mail had been piling up. Reaching for the stack, he started sorting through it quickly, separating the items of interest from the detritus of bureaucracy. He quickly found the postcard that T.P. had sent from his birdwatching expedition in Australia. The koala bear on the stamp was kind of cute. He'd have to remember to keep the stamp for his friend's collection.

_Stamps._ Grinning, Lee put down the mail and headed for the door. "Mr. Stetson," Mrs. Marsden said as he handed in his badge. "Dr. Quidd was looking for you."

"I had an emergency come up. I'll go see him when I come back shortly." Lee answered, hurrying out the front door. He would need to reschedule Quidd or he'd soon find Billy escorting him and Amanda to therapy sessions. He slid into the driver's seat of his car and headed for the shop that had saved his hide more times than he could think of. Between Stamps, TP, Francine, and the many women of his checkered past; it paid to know where to get the best chocolates. Bribery was a time-honoured tradition in the circles he travelled.

As soon as he stepped into the shop, the manager bustled forward. "Good afternoon, Mr. Stetson. It's good to see you again; it has been a long time." Lee smiled and shook the master chocolatier's hand. He had probably spent as much here as he had on cars. Looking around, he realised that the usually chocolate laden space was very sparse. Seeing his look, Mr. Di Verona nodded sadly. "I'm afraid that we have had something of a catastrophe. Our heating system malfunctioned and all of the chocolates melted. I am rebuilding the inventory as we speak." Lee sighed, his brilliant plan melting away like the chocolate had. He only had twenty minutes or so to get back to the office before Amanda's session was over. There was no time for an alternative. "If you tell me what you were looking for, I will make sure that the stock is available for you tomorrow afternoon?"

"Monday would be better." Lee said, thinking that sneaking away from Amanda was not going to be quite so easy during the weekend. "Your Rapture assortment should do fine."

"I'll have that ready for you first thing Monday morning, Mr. Stetson."

"I'll be in around two o'clock."

"Very well, sir." After the chocolate shop, Lee headed back to the Agency. Jewellery was not something a dedicated bachelor routinely bought. In fact, he'd made it a point never to give a woman so much as a friendship bracelet, even in grammar school. There were only three women he knew who would be able to give him advice on that. Lee contemplated what the look on Francine or Elisa's faces would be if he asked either of them where he should buy an engagement ring. That left only one person he could ask. Double-checking the time, he grinned. He should have just enough time to nip by the apartment and make one quick call.

As soon as he was in the apartment, he reached for his current address book. Gone were the days of multiple black books. Now there was only one and none of the names had any questionable symbols. Opening to the F page, he quickly punched in the long sequence of digits and waited for the strange-sounding ring tone at the other end. On the third ring, a particularly snotty voice answered. "Farnsworth House, how may I help you?"

"Could I please speak to Lady Farnsworth? This is Lee Stetson."

"Please hold the line, sir. I'll see if Her Ladyship is available to speak with you." Lee bit back a chuckle. Emily's butler was, in fact, an undercover MI6 agent that he'd met several times.

A moment later, Emily's voice came on the line. "Lee, my boy! What can I do for you?"

"I need your help, Emily. Top-secret, need-to-know, hush-hush, you-name-it. You can't tell a soul about this.

"Of course. Do you need me to call you on a secure line?"

"No, this is fine. Emily, I need advice. Where should I go in Washington to find the perfect engagement ring?" The squeal of delight that came through loud and clear was not a sound he'd ever heard Emily make before, even under torture. It took a full minute for her glee to settle to the point that Lee could bring the phone any closer to his ear than arm's length.

"You clever, clever man!" She finally said. "You must go to Lorenzo's on Church Street, near Dupont Circle."

"What about Constitution Diamonds?" Lee asked, pulling the only other name he knew off the top of his head.

"Only if you want this all over the intelligence community by tea time." Emily told him. "They sell more gossip than gold."

"Okay. Thanks Emily."

"And Lee, they'll need to see pictures of Amanda to help you choose something that will suit her style."

"I didn't say it was Amanda." He answered, smiling.

"You didn't need to." Lee laughed as Emily hung up on him. Two minutes later, he was running back out to the car to collect Amanda from Claudia's office.


	18. Chapter 18

"Scarecrow, Mr. Melrose wants to see you." Mrs. Marston said as Lee collected his Agency ID. Lee nodded and headed for the closet elevator. The momentary thought he entertained of sneaking straight to the medical sector were dashed when the doors slid open and he found Billy waiting for him. Whether Billy had asked Mrs. Marston to alert him, or if he'd simply kept an eye on the monitors; it was clear that the Sector Chief of Field Sector had indeed been waiting for him.

"Hi Billy."

"Lee, we need to talk."

"Billy, I need to collect Amanda."

"I know, I've asked Claudia to stall her." Billy said, nodding back towards the bullpen. Lee nodded and followed his boss. Once they were alone in Billy's office, he picked up a folder on his desk. "This is the transcript of Birol's interrogation." Lee frowned but didn't open the folder. "Lee, I think you should read that."

"Why?"

"Because Birol has talked about little other than Amanda so far."

"She has a right to her privacy, Billy."

"No, she doesn't." Billy said softly. "She's an agent, Lee. Francine wrote it, I've read it, Smyth's read it, and Claudia will be given a copy later today. As her partner and the senior agent, I think you should read it too. Smyth will be expecting an assessment from you about whether or not she's fit to return to full activity."

"I won't do it without her knowledge." Lee said grimly.

"Alright. I'll expect your report by Tuesday. You'll need to make a recommendation about her return to work." Lee nodded. "And Lee, I know how hard it is but you'll need to be objective here. Your life, and hers, depends on your ability to be rational about this."

"I know, Billy." Lee growled.

"Alright. But there's another reason that I need you to read that." Billy said quietly.

"Which is?"

"Birol has implicated Amanda in his operation. There's likely to be a congressional inquest into Amanda's role in Karbala."

"What?" Lee roared.

"The White House has given us a week to build a counter case. If we can convince them, they'll work with Congress to put the thing to bed and Amanda won't need to testify."

"After everything that dirt bag put her through? If Amanda has to testify it'll just be torture by a different name!" Lee raged. "How is it that even in custody, he can still get to her?"

"Because he's the worst kind of scum, Scarecrow." Dr. Smyth said coolly as he walked in. "Birol has some good intel, but not as good as ours. Mrs. King is one of us now and I get a bit… tetchy when politicians start making noises about one of my people. She needs to be prepared, Scarecrow, but I want you, not her, to be front and centre. You were the senior agent, and the A-TAC lead."

"Yes sir."

When Amanda stepped out of Claudia's office, Lee was casually flipping through a women's magazine. "Find anything interesting?" She asked.

"You know, there's a recipe here for sweet and sour chicken that looks great." Amanda laughed.

"Give it up, Stetson. I'm not going to believe that you actually read that." Smiling, Lee shrugged.

"You think you have me all figured out, don't you?" He pressed, happy that for once, Amanda seemed a little bit less perceptive. It had taken him every second after he'd left Dr. Smyth and Billy to calm down enough to pull this off. He'd talk to Amanda about it, but not until they were back at his place.

"Let's go home." Amanda said suggestively.

"Home. I like the sound of that."

After a quick stop at the grocery store, Lee disappeared into the kitchen promising her a feast. Amanda picked up the phone and called the house, delighted to talk to the boys before her mother took the phone. "Amanda, a large package was delivered for you today. From a gallery or something."

"Oh, can you just have the boys carry it up to my room for now please? I'm doing a favour for a friend."

"Alright dear. You do have some strange friends."

"Film people, mother." Amanda said absently, smiling at Lee as he brought her a glass of wine. He raised an eyebrow in question but Amanda just shrugged.

"I suppose. Though that Mr. Stetson of yours isn't too strange." Amanda rolled her eyes at that. Obviously, her mother had decided that Lee was a prime candidate for Amanda's affections. Amanda was inclined to agree but she wasn't eager to encourage her mother's speculation. "How did you say you met him again?"

"Actually, I don't think I did say." Amanda remarked, just to let her mother know she wasn't fooled. "Not a secret really. He needed help and saw me standing by and asked if I'd do it. We talked a bit and he got me the job with IFF."

"Oh, I guess I was hoping there was a story there."

"What like international intrigue?" Amanda laughed just as Lee returned. He gave her a disapproving look and handed her a glass of wine. "I have to go, mother. We're having a late staff meeting. I'll call you back tomorrow. Love you!"

"Love you too dear."


End file.
